Shockingly one of my lovely, albeit lobster-looking coworkers mentioned to me Tuesday that I should update my blog. Apparently I’m funny when I’m angry.
I’d considered writing this weekend actually, as a result of the annual Pride Parade that took place 200 feet from my front door on Sunday. I chose not to, though, because I worried people would get the wrong impression and i would inevitably have to explain myself to 75% of my men’s chorus friends from ONU.
See, if I were to write, “fuck you, pride parade, you piece of shit,” everybody would get all up in arms about it. So I guess let me get it out of the way.
Fuck you, pride parade, you piece of shit.
Before anyone on Facebook gets pissed off (see how I’ve convinced myself you’re reading to begin with?), let me clarify. I don’t have a problem with the gay folk and I’m totally down with them doing their thing, getting married, whatever they want as long as it doesn’t involve robbing me at gunpoint.
What I DO have a problem with is legions of people outside my front door banging on kettle drums for hours, screaming like banshees at 3am, and generally giving the police an excuse to tell me the block on which my apartment is located is closed.
This could have been a “send kittens to college” parade and I still would have been irritated.
The previous two years I have lived here, I had the good sense to just stay inside and wait it out. This year I had a guest and was forced to venture out into the wilds, and it was grim. As I said to my friend Sunday, I have the good sense not to pull my shirt up above my gut and write stuff on my pale, hairy belly – dozens of pasty white chicks should really do the same. You can support your gay friends without embarrassing them, I think.
In other news, if you’re reading this and happen to know me in real life and know where I work, there’s a video posted of me today on the company Facebook page talking about my workplace and why I like it there. I haven’t actually seen the final cut of it yet, so I am writing this (wrongfully) assuming that my comments about free beer on Fridays were left intact. I guess we’ll see!
Anyway, there you have it. A hastily thrown together post for no good reason other than to satiate the needs of a friend. I probably won’t even get a thank you :-/
